This article by Rachel Lawlan of Women Are the Medicine on Substack is about focus, exhaustion and self-abandonment and definitely came to me algorithmically as I've been exploring the reasons for my high anxiety related to starting my own business after a year+ long sabbatical. I have explored all the reasons, from thinking maybe I'm just not ready, to no longer being capable, to actually being insane, to interpreting every obstacle as a "no", to thinking everyone would just be better off if I walked off and disappeared and why am I so self-important to think my community needs me?
As breakthroughs often announce themselves, the last few days have been a revelation in a single persistent word. Becoming. It started with this beautiful observation I read from @bonnietai about how starting a business is a form of shadow work, "surfacing every tender place you have around not being seen, not being enough, self-betrayal, rejection and failure". The business is not just to make money and have a livelihood, but as a vehicle to explore who you will become while building it. Rachel's article reiterates the point by stressing the importance of having a vision-knowing what you are here to create! Because you are not just doing tasks for other people. You need to have the vision so you know who you are striving to become and more importantly that you know where and how much energy to put toward that goal.
This is so important, especially as I recall and worry about burning out again. I'm still not sure I have the entire answer as to what it is I hope to become, but I know it falls right in line with confronting all those shadows around worthiness and getting to the place where I can create something of value for others that doesn't make me compromise on my own vision of sustainable work/life balance.